...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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