JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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