I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
