oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
