my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
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It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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