He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Success! We fucked roommates!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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