my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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