Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
