How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
