I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
