this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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