I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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