If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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