Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
