I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
