So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
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So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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