and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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