Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You pole danced in your parka.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
