I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
