i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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