dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
