He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
