hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
