So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
