I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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