Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
