Ambien. No doubt about it.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The Olympian is in my bed
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
