Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
