Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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