you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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