u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
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you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
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I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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