Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
