Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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