On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
