My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
