I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
