Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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