I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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