If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
