I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I need moral support for this bender
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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