my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
