Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize