He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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