We're like a lot better than the average bears
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
