It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
