thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
