respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
