you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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