Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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