how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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