Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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