I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
