Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
