I skipped work to stalk him.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
