there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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