What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
