I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i've created a new STD.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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