I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
