So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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