Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
