Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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