just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
