but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize