The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
