grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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