have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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