I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
