There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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