butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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