He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
