Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
