don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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