on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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