dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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