new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm at about main and main street
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
