North Korea, Best Korea!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
