My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
