so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Fuck appropriateness.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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