see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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