I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
