so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
