Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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