first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
