youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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